Tips for Men on How to Talk Dirty During Sex

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To do so, you could say something like, “Remember when you bent me over the couch the other week? I was dripping wet.” Dr. Tara particularly recommends this method as a means of sexting, too. Once you’re ready to try this with your partner, Cordingley recommends keeping the lights off or at a dim level, which may make you feel a little less exposed and inhibited.

Dirty Talk: How To Get More Comfortable With This Sexual Practice

And by speaking our sexual thoughts and fantasies aloud, we can engage the brain more deeply in the sexual act, making it that much more pleasurable. Your partner doesn’t want to hear you reading from a sexy script — they want to hear what you’re loving and why. Dirty talk is all about expressing your erotic desires, kinks, and fantasies. It’s the verbal equivalent of that sizzling eye contact with your partner, the kind that says, “It’s on.” Or that tells your partner exactly what you’re enjoying or hoping they’ll do next. Mastering how to talk dirty is all about consent and creativity. These tips will help you speak your mind in person and over text.

So What Are You Going to Learn?

“Sharing our desires can help strengthen intimate bonds and trust,” says Nugent. Below, learn what makes dirty talk such a powerful erotic tool—plus, get tips from sex experts on exactly how to talk dirty during sex even if you’re shy or worried about feeling awkward or uncomfortable. Indeed, research has shown that those who communicate pleasure during sex are more likely to experience sexual satisfaction than those who do not communicate. Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all manual for how to talk dirty — but that’s no reason to give up entirely. We asked sex and dating experts and real women what they wanted to hear (and didn’t want to hear) in bed. By following these guidelines, you’ll be dirty talking like a gentleman in no time.

• For those who are a little shy, playing character roles that align with your greatest fantasies might make talking dirty a little less uncomfortable.
• But O’Reilly says that indulging your sense of humor can help both you and your partner ease into things.
• Dr. Jansen says it’s best to wait until after sex—“maybe on a walk or hanging out on the couch, not during the sexual moment”—to approach your partner with feedback or check in.
• Creating a little bit of distance, Manta says, might make people feel safer.
• The bedroom should always be a judgment-free zone, but that doesn’t make anyone invincible to embarrassment.

Sexual Tension: The Good, the Bad, and the Awkward

But there was something about being called a slut during sex that stopped me cold. I immediately asked Will to stop what he was doing, and we talked about what had just happened. He was apologetic, and he never used that word again in my presence. In the post-#MeToo dating world, dirty talk can be a minefield. Here’s how to do it in a way that’s respectful — and sexy.

It’s the underlying deep sense of permission that sub-communicates, “I am a sexual person and that is 100%, completely allowed” that is so attractive. The fundamental part of doing this well, and turning him on, is being able to talk dirty with authority. But we both know you’re not here to have a “bare minimum” kind of sex life. It may seem basic, but they want to know that you’re not visualizing someone else when you’re with them or just phoning it in, so saying (or screaming out) his/her name in bed is a good way to ease into dirty talk. Punctuate it with a few “ooohs” and moans and it will be more than enough to heat things up. It lowers inhibitions and reveals bedroom personalities by allowing partners to go a layer deeper within our everyday selves.

It’s just as much work to carry the conversation in the bedroom as it is during a date, so keep the dirty talk flowing before, during, and after sex. Vocalizing your pleasure guides the action, and delivers fantasies straight from your dreams. A high school research paper is a great place to show off your extended vocabulary — the bedroom, however, is not. The idea of talking obscenities during sex doesn’t turn everyone on, however, it doesn’t have to be all rude and nasty. Speaking during sex can really help rekindle romance within a relationship and can also help to re-assure both partners that they are doing a good job.

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“Basically you want to negotiate dirty talk ahead of time just like you’d negotiate any other sex,” she says. Discuss what the dirty talk will entail to make sure it’s within everyone’s established boundaries and desires, explains Harris. Sure, it’s easy to sext something superhot behind a screen, but when you are actually together IRL and have to say it out loud? If you’re unsure what is and what isn’t OK, describe what is currently happening in this very sexual situation. Use adjectives to up the hotness, without going overboard. As with any language, it has the power to trigger feelings outside of its context.